Is the Other Woman A "Temptress"?

A while ago, there was a question asked on one of the "Answers" sites that went:

"Did you know that the other woman tempts married men by wearing expensive perfume and sexy lingerie?"

It made me laugh. When I became reacquainted with my man (I first met him 20 years before but lost contact), I was about 40 lbs. overweight, wearing a long, loose top, loose, elastic-waist pants and clogs. Since I had known him before (when I was a size 2), and always had a little crush on him, I was embarrassed by how I looked. He didn't seem to notice. We exchanged pleasantries and he asked about renting a garage that I had available.

Each weekend (and sometimes after work), he would come to the garage to organize and fix things. On nice days, I liked to sit outside reading, so we saw each other a lot. When he would come by, we'd talk until he left. This went on for about a year before we started talking about MAYBE seeing each other romantically. In that year, even though we talked all the time, he never once mentioned that he was married. There was never even a slip of the tongue about a "we" (meaning he and his wife). But, right now, I'm not going to focus on this part of our story.

I am all into being comfortable. Keep in mind that I was overweight. My weekend wardrobe for hanging around the house consisted of men's pajama bottoms and XXL t-shirts. Footwear of choice was flipflops. I have never had a mani-pedi, I wash my hair in the shower and let it air dry, I haven't been to so much as get it trimmed in about 7 years, I never wear makeup, I didn't own sexy lingerie, and as for the expensive perfume...the most expensive scent I will ever wear is the body spray that matches my deodorant. In other words: I couldn't tempt anyone out of anything!

So, how did I end up with a married man? His wife threw him away. They had a child and she started making every excuse for not wanting him to touch her. Not only sexually; she didn't even want to snuggle, or get a simple hug. She stopped talking to him unless it was to complain about something. She didn't throw him away because he was spending time away from home, she threw him away long before I came into the picture.

I didn't know this, but I was giving him the attention and respect that he wasn't getting at home. I let him vent about a hard workday, I took interest in what he was doing, if he needed help with something, I was there to help. If his wife wanted to spend time with him, she could have come with him on weekends, or met him at the garage, but she didn't. She didn't have to sit at a garage with a baby all day; there are many parks near me should could have gone to. He would have taken the time off from what he was doing to go with them. She didn't make an effort. She never even called him when he was here.

Our relationship isn't about sex. We do a lot of things together. We have a bond. He stays with his wife to be close to his daughter and he's always there for his daughter whenever she needs or wants him. He doesn't deny her any time. Saturdays are my days, but if his daughter has an event that day, or if she asks him to do something (like fishing) with her, he's there. He's there for teacher's meetings and school functions like Father-Daughter dances.

True, there are "serial cheaters" out there. Men who want it all; a wife at home and a girlfriend who keeps up with his wild side. It's usually ALL about the sex. But, for the most part, I don't believe ANY woman can lure a happily married man away from his wife. Even with my man, I believe that if his wife gave him some attention, or even a hug every now and then, he wouldn't have allowed himself to become involved with me. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be involved with him if I had known he was married.

When I found out that he was, in fact, married, I told him he needed to go home and try to make things work with his wife. He had told me that he bought her a sexy little outfit a couple of years before, that she had never put on. I told him to try it again. He did. He told me that he went home, laid the outfit out on the bed while his wife was in the shower. When she came out of the shower, he gave her a little time to get into the outfit, then went to the bedroom. The outfit was put away and she told him that she wasn't going to wear it EVER and that he could sleep elsewhere. If she had just tried that night, he would be with her (emotionally and physically) and not me.

So, no...I'm not a temptress. I'm just someone who cares. If more wives took the time to care and listen to their husbands, maybe there wouldn't be so many "other women" out there.